I have a really really hard time being still. I like going and going and when I have a moment to be still I usually fill it with pointless junk or just find someone to talk to. I don’t usually use my alone time productively. I hate processing the things around me. Thinking too much means accepting not only the glorious things but also the things I don’t like or the things that need to change. This week and the last I’ve been sick nothing too crazy but as I only seemed to be getting worse I was asked to stay back and rest.
Spending days alone on an empty compound in Africa is interesting. I napped, walked around, read a book, cleaned, probably talked to the spiders on my ceiling; and finally I sat down, talked to God and listened. God does this funny thing when I’m in other countries He always seems to romance me. When the background noise of life is removed the simple things he does for me are so evident. From sunsets to cold showers to our team purchasing Heinz ketchup which makes our meals a millions times better (or more American). He just makes me smile.
As I was reading some different books this week including my bible, everywhere I turned God seemed to be screaming in the most assuring and gentle way “Mikaela, I love you. Don’t worry. I’ve got it all.”
Something funny is that God doesn’t need me in Africa. He doesn’t need any of us. He’s God, King of Kings, the Lord of all the earth. But He wants me. He wants to spend time with me. Right now that’s in Zambia and some days that’s in my bedroom in Pennsylvania. His plans for this earth are amazing but He doesn’t need us to complete them He just wants us to come along for a journey with Him. Wherever that is that He leads us.
How prideful was I to ever think I was special cause I crossed an ocean into other countries when the idea of stepping out and loving my next door neighbor in America makes me tongue tied.
I eventually got better and headed back to the preschool where I was attacked by three year olds in kisses and hugs. Spent time in the community and became close friends with this twenty year old woman named Violet. God is doing His thing and loving people everywhere, including me. There is no way to not smile when you let yourself be reminded of His unending love. I don’t ever want to be too overwhelmed by the minuscule problems around me that I neglect being still and being with Him. I don’t want to forget how He is not against me but for me, protecting me, and just loving me constantly.
