This morning I had a conversation with some of my team members. We were talking about how our first three and a half weeks of this trip have been for each of us…
It came to light that all of us, in different ways, have been struggling with the work we’re doing here, and not feeling fulfilled in it.
Not that we’re unhappy with what we’re doing. Quite the opposite, actually. We love the kids that we work with everyday and we LOVE to love on them in any way that we can. We’ve already had many new and fun adventures in the weeks that we’ve been in Zambia. We love the culture and getting to know the people that we see at church and in the neighborhood.
In short: We love Zambia.
But the struggle comes, for me at least, because I don’t usually see or feel that we are making a difference with what we’re doing. Sometimes it’s really hard to communicate with the preschool kids because they don’t or won’t speak English, and they won’t listen to us.
At soccer ministry we are finally starting to build better relationships; but it’s still hard at times to feel that our time spent with these kids is more than just a soccer game.
We long for these kids to truly see Christ’s love. We want them to know His love for them as a reality in their hearts and minds, not just something talked about in church. We want to see lives changed because of Jesus’ love shining through us.
I’m coming to realize, that as good as these things are, and as much as I should be praying for these things to take place– God is doing so many things that I can’t begin to imagine.
Thus far, we haven’t seen God working as much in the ways that we were all expecting when we started this trip. I had so many expectations that I wasn’t even aware of until they weren’t met.
The last weeks have been a wonderful and, at times, very hard growth process for me and for us as a team. I’ve had to let go completely of all that I want to see happen here in Zambia, and give myself over to God’s plan for this time; even though I can’t see what it is.
I am learning more each day to be thankful for the hugs and smiles of the kids at preschool. To be thankful that I have the chance to sit with them and pray for them as they fall asleep on my lap. I AM thankful that I have this opportunity to love these kids that don’t always get much love. To simply spend time with them and delight in them, just as Jesus delighted in the little children.
I know that God is using each of us to show His love to these kids in special ways. As we remain open to His plans and surrender our desires and expectations to Him daily, I know that He will keep using us. Whether or not we see the results, I trust that God is doing a great work here.
He is drawing me closer to Himself every day, and teaching me how to love in some of the simplest ways.
“God is always doing 10,000 things in your life, and you may be aware of three of them.” -John Piper
